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Ch.5, Trudging Along to the Holy Hill
From the earliest years of my childhood, Sri Bhagavan has been churning my heart with the single mission of realizing the Self and thus becoming one with him. Sri Bhagavan brought me into this phenomenal existence in a simple agricultural family which named me ‘Bhagawata’, a humble son and devotee of the Lord. My parents dreamt of the day when their youngest son would be able to read the Hindi Ramayana of Goswami Tulsidas. A beginning was made by my elementary school teacher, Sri Ramapyaresinha, who not only loved Sri Ramacharitamanasa, but worshipped it daily. Every evening he taught us how to recite it with zeal and instilled in us love and devotion for Sri Ramachandra and the Divine Mother, Sita. These six years of my early education continue to kindle the fire of devotion in me.
Although there was none near my home who could teach me to seek the Self in a formal way, my three brothers read and recited the Bhagavad Gita and Ramayana daily, and as a result of their religious life I was dyed indelibly with bhakti and jnana. The first World War and the non-cooperation movement of Mahatma Gandhi awakened my village people. As a result, my brothers and other village young men joined the ranks of the national movement. Thus, both the fires of deshamukti (national liberation) and atmamukti began to burn brighter in my heart. Although quite young, I remained immersed in the fast-flowing fountain of vairagya (dispassion) and viveka (discrimination). Treading these difficult paths of patriotism and devotion was only possible with the infinite grace and mercy of Lord Ramana, who never allowed me to get entangled in projects that many a time lead guileless aspirants astray.
When Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi burst into my heart on Friday, 10 October 1941 in Darjeeling in the Himalayas, he removed the veils of forgetfulness from me and enabled me to realize that it was he and he alone whom I had been seeking all these years. When I saw his many pictures and read the text of the book, A Search in Secret India, by Paul Brunton, the old relationship was re-established. How I wished to fly to the lotus feet of Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi on the slopes of the holy Arunachala hill! But he did not allow me to come to him while he was abiding in the body for the simple reason that I might look on him as the body. Instead he sent me into the world to work out my latencies before returning to him. Then, exactly eleven years later, in the guest cottage of the Quaker family of Helen and Albert Baily, Sri Bhagavan came to me again and revived the smouldering fire of jnana and bhakti. Wherever he took me from then on, I found myself in his grip.
Now in 1979, while I sit in New York in Sri Bhagavan’s Arunachala Ashrama, Sri Bhagavan makes me dream of the day when his temple shall rise on Fifth Avenue in this metropolitan city so that seekers of peace and happiness may wend their way there. Mornings and evenings shall be filled with the recitation of the Vedas, Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, etc. “Abide in the Self, in the inmost recesses of the Heart”, shall fill the temple, and people from different walks of life shall learn to tread his direct path of Self-enquiry.
During all these sixty-seven years of my bodily sojourn, I have been yearning for the day when I would be able to pay my debt to the world. Unceasing abidance in the Self is the work cut out for me, and on the sheer strength of his grace I have all along been trudging along, trudging along to the holy hill of the beacon light. In the midst of plenty or in the midst of paucity, Sri Bhagavan makes me ache for mankind, but all I can do is to contribute my mite to the world by adding a grain of devotion. The mere existence of Sri Arunachala Ashrama in the Western hemisphere speaks for itself, and if we are able to keep the flame of devotion burning brightly in this phenomenal existence, Sri Bhagavan will have taken the destined work from all of us. One thing that has always been certain is that Sri Arunachala Ashrama has been founded and conducted by Sri Bhagavan alone, using all of us as his ordinary instruments.
When Sri Bhagavan came into the world one hundred years ago, he resuscitated the age-old teaching of ceaseless inherence in the Self in the cavity of one’s heart. Anyone, anywhere, under any circumstances can profit from his unique instruction of returning to the source. He incarnated for the sake of removing the dense darkness of desire, delusion, ego and ignorance, to save us from the abysmal pit of forgetfulness. Though sometimes he taught with words, his most potent teaching has been his silence, from which all of us can profit without stirring from our place of birth or work. Arunachala Ramana teaches that no efforts ever go in vain. This teaching is the only hope for me, and with all my limitations I continue to call on him with his name, “om namo bhagavate śrī ramaṇāya”. Sri Bhagavan is the doer and I am simply his most infinitesimal instrument, and day and night I pray that he allow me to do his will. May I ever abide in Bhagavan Sri Ramana Arunachala!