The Sheet – Anchor

I don't know how I can best testify to Bhagavan's greatness which made such an indelible impression on my mind. I feel his Grace so often coursing through my blood. How can I write about that at all convincingly ?  Yet I do want to attest my gratitude to one to whom (I so often feel) I owe even more than I know. I will, by way of explanation, tell you just of one crisis when he helped me in a way more convincing than even a startling sense-perception.

My faith then had tottered. I have known so many saints in my life and they have all helped me in different phases of my sadhana. But in this phase I wondered if one could be sure of any lasting prop. Then two figures suddenly flowed before my mind's eye. One was Sri Ramakrishna and the other was Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi. And I told myself: "Why do you doubt ?  Is there any contradiction in either of these ?"

No, I told myself, vastly relieved. These two figures stand out as luminous as ever. "But then," I added to myself, "I have never seen Sri Ramakrishna. If I had perhaps I would have seen some contradiction in him too ; who knows ?"

"But what about Ramana Maharshi ?" I answered my own doubt with joy and certitude. "Have I not seen him? And did I find any contradiction in him, then or afterwards ?"

Strangely enough a visual memory of a godly personality helps in a way even the memory of the visual impression cannot fathom. What I mean by this is a little difficult to put into words. But I do mean something. What? I can't quite express it. But one thing I can say which may be understandable ; that is that in such abysmal inner pain I recalled again and again the Shiva-like peace on the Maharshi's marvellous face and the deep light of compassion that I saw irradiating his star-like eyes ; and I could and did dismiss my doubts, though after a struggle.

"For I have seen something that is mightier than the most cankerous doubts," I told myself; "I have seen him, the Maharshi, and he has blest me. "He even called me once, a friend of mine wrote from Sri Ramanasramam to tell me in 1948. But alas, I postponed and so lost the great opportunity.

I regretted not having responded to his call of compassion (what else could it be ?) although I followed the path of emotional bhakti and so had once even misunderstood him. Later Sri Krishna Prem, the noted bhakta, had scolded me, saying: "What ?  Bhakti, you say ?  The Maharshi is one whose soul is overflowing with love. How could you call him a mere jnani, a man of knowledge ?" And he added: "One who says he knows but does not love does not know, and one who says he loves but does not know does not love."

Yes, I understood. The Maharshi both knows and loves. That is why he is so preeminently great.

The Mountain Path journal, Jan 1966, p.87