REFUGE

My Dear Friends in Sri Bhagavan,

At the age of 18 I decided that I had to find out what the meaning and purpose of life was. I saw no solution in my home, so I wrote a note to my mother, borrowed 20 dollars, and left.

This journey lasted for about four years, during which time I traveled the world over and had many experiences which brought me to the conclusion that the only meaningful purpose and goal of life was to realize God, or Self-realization.

My latent samskaras must have played a part to rediscover the teachings that directly resonated with my own experience and understanding. Then I was guided to the Sadguru who perfectly demonstrated them – Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi. The same year I arrived at His Ashram in New York and dedicated my life to service and the practice of His teachings.

Last summer in the Nova Scotia Ashram a sudden, altogether contrary vision took possession of me and would not let go, even to this day. I could not resist it, nor did I feel that I should, and ultimately surrendered to it. This is what it is:

After 48 years of living in His abode, serving Him through His devotees, I became possessed, so to speak, with a single aspiration. I felt Bhagavan telling me: “Now you need only to serve Me by remembering Me and abiding in Me, the Self. Hence, you need not continue to serve Me physically, but serve me by remembering Me and abiding in Me.^[1]”

In addition to this, I experienced a intense yearning to simplify my life, to depend on Him alone for all things, to take complete refuge in Him and leave it to Him to provide me with whatever is required to fulfill this aspiration, as enunciated by Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita:

To those who always think of Me and engage in exclusive devotion to Me, to them whose minds are always absorbed in Me, I provide what they lack and preserve what they already possess. – Chap 9, verse 22.

Therefore, I am writing today -- not only to you, the officers of Arunachala Ashrama USA and Canada, but to all my friends and well-wishers – to inform you that what happened when I was 18 years old is now repeating itself. By the time you read this note I have already left the Ashrama for a distant place to fulfill this yearning within me. Believe me, I am no less surprised than you about what you are now reading.

After this new aspiration took hold of me in Nova Scotia and I realized that I must fulfill it, I thought briefly about what direction the Ashram would take in my absence. The next day this concern was completely erased upon rereading what Sri Kunju Swami told Evelyn concerning Bhagavan’s Ashramas on January 19, 1983, recorded in her diary.

Not only did I have no doubts after reading that, I fully believe, though physically absent, I will now extend a greater service to the Ashram than ever before. You may not understand this, but I believe in time you will arrive at the same conclusion.

I ask that you please do not make any efforts to locate my whereabouts. I have put all my faith in Bhagavan’s guiding presence and all of you should do the same and celebrate with me this new direction in my life. Does not the Lord of the Universe sustain the trees of the forest, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea. Will He ever forsake me? How is it possible. And how wonderful it is to want nothing from the world but the opportunity to abandon all hopes, all fears and desires and rest in Him.

Also, do not be too alarmed at this turn of events. Who knows, I may be back in two months, or two years, or at some point in time you will come to learn that my journey on earth has come to end. It is in His hands alone, Is it not? Isn’t it the same for all of us?

Lastly, I wish to express my heartfelt gratitude to all my friends and well-wishers, devotees of the Master, who have unstintingly provided me with their love, support and kindnesses over many decades. How fortunate I have been in this life to know all of you, to live and serve in His abode and benefit from your sincere devotion and dedication.

I am attaching a letter that I gave to two aspirants this year who had expressed a desire to live in the Ashram. It may be useful.

Ever yours in Sri Ramana Bhagavan,

Dennis

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