The Archives
from: Dennis Hartel
to: margo
cc: arthur
date: Mon, May 7, 2007 at 9:03 AM
subj: Re: Need Your Attention
Namaskar Margo,
I know Ellen has plans to go to Ramanasramam in July, and I did not invite her to stay at the NYC Ashram, especially since she was not asking to. She is great friends with Arthur, it seems and, of course, not a bad person. If she shows up at the Ashram, she should have a 2 week residence only. She has to be given a arrival and departure date. That is the system we will follow now. If she wants to reside in the Ashram for a longer period, she will have to go up to Nova Scotia.
I am forwarding to you what I wrote to Ray and Kathryn sometime before their departure to Canada Please read it. It is about the "residental ashram" scheme for Arunachala Ashram, drawn up by Bhagavat years ago. At that time he was thinking only of NS since there was no physical means of a residental Ashram in NYC. But now there is.
I am in Bangalore with Prashant and his father. His father has a very nice quiet place, and the weather is cool, unlike Tiruvannamalai. Prashant has a new job and is setting up an IT company here for an American concern. I will probably return to the Ashram tomorrow or Wednesday.
Today I went to a 100 arcre ashram south of Bangalore to meet Gyanendra Jain and his brother. His brother who has been Ashram hopping for 25 years is living in a room there. Gyanendra gave the Ashram 7 lakh Rupees to build a cottage and he stays there for a part of the year. He sold his house in Delhi, but is very frustrated because his eye sight is failing and he cannot do the literacy teaching he developed. He has no inner life and outer faculties are going. What was once a source of happiness at one time, has now become a source of sorrow. He has plenty of money but no peace. He feels alone. I told him all are alone only, Such is life. Gyanendra asked about you.
I am well, by His Grace.
Dennis
Dear Kathryn and Ray,
Thank you for the detailed description of the journey you have taken, and continue to take, for the the welfare of Alexandra and your own inner fulfilment. I have no doubts about the sincerity of your decisions and ideals. You really did not have to write me all that you did. We all want what you want, but know for certain that all our experiences in life, whether we consider them good or bad, are only lessons given to us by the Divine Grace of God so we may realise our true Nature a be free from the 'I am the body idea'. This is the goal and ideal that Bhagavan has vouchsafed to mankind, and those who intensely experience the limitations and pettiness of embodiment will definitely discover the bliss of inwardness and Self abidance. This inwardness is a gift of grace which Bhagavan grants to those who offer their life on the altar of seva and sadhana, dedication and devotion.
This I have learned from Arunachala Bhakta Bhagavat, the founder of the Ashrama in New York and Nova Scotia. He was indeed blessed by Bhagavan and lived and breathed on the strength of inspiration and intuition. He would always talk to me about "openess of Heart", which he considered an essential criteria for spirituality. My appreciation of his stature is growing as I grow. He continues to inspire me in my dreams and my waking state. He was Bhagavan's gift to me, and I always keep his ideals in mind whatever I do, in and out of the Ashram.
I clearly understand your desire to continue living in the Ashram. Look at me -- I have had the same desire absorbing me for 36 years. The Ashram is to me like a ship, which I am riding in, and which will deliver me to the other shore of existence. I always believe that serving in Arunachala Ashrama is serving the Master, Bhagavan. There are no people there, there is just Bhagavan. He has said if you serve my devotees you are serving ME. While doing I also have the benefit of keeping the company of sincere devotees, and good company is very important in the spiritual life.
Bhagavat always wanted a separate residence for men and women. He wrote this into the Aims and Objects of the Nova Scotia Ashram. Everyone there in New York knows that I want a separate residence for woman and men in NYC. As time passes I believe this to be more important. The area which Ramanasramam occupied during the Maharshi's time, still remains occupied by men only. In Nova Scotia we do have facilities for separate residence for families and men and women; generally, men will occupy the Temple.
I want you to continue in the Ashram. I will be happy watching Alexandra grow and blossom, and watching you both blossom spiritually, by Bhagavan grace. That is my wish.
At the Nova Scotia Ashram the activities will be expanding this spring and I would like you to be an integral part of that. Of course, you can continue you pursuit in service of Bhagavan's gift to you (Alexendra) while there. That is your duty.
Although I am designated as 'president' of Bhagavan's Ashram, this designation comes with the appellation "Chief Servant", because we are all only servants. The world is our Master, and we serve it. I take my inspiration from Bhagavan and serve his children to the best of my ability. That is all I can do. Otherwise life has no meaning.
This is all I wanted to express to you. I hope you understand me and understand Bhagavan and what his role in your life is.
Yours in Sri Bhagavan,
Dennis
from: ray muller
date: 4/12/07,
Dear Dennis,
Recently Janet and David were here from Florida and spent a long night talking with Ray --- their point seeming to be to get to the bottom of what is driving us to not take direct action regarding Alexandra's condition.
I would guess that you too might have some of these questions.
It is not a simple answer -- and at the same time it is.
I will tell you something of myself.
I was a sick child - no doctor could diagnose the cause of my illness -- though many were consulted. One of my earliest memories is screaming as the doctor stuck about 30 needles into me while holding me down to perform some allergy tests.
On the more positive side - As a result of my illness I was enrolled in my first yoga class at age 3 to calm my nervous system --- yoga is something that I continued with and carry with me even now.
My illness - and the conventional doctors unsuccess in treating me - eventually lead me to a naturopathic doctor - through whom I found the beginnings of a path to relief.
I also have a very "wierd" body in other senses - I told you about the 'sleep paralyses' --- I have also been repeatedly awakened in the night after having been 'struck by lightning' - I am left with white light blinding my vision and my whole body buzzing like I have stuck my finger in a socket. Periodically 'elastics' Ping through my body from head to foot. I frequently get 'needles' -inserted into my skin --- It lasts a short while -- but never fails to make me jump --- just like someone stuck a needle in me. All this is my normal.
Because of the route my life lead me - the way I found healing - I was drawn to the healing arts at a young age. At age 17 - I dropped out of a scholarship university education because my spirit simply was very unhappy - I started a company called Sagitarian Foods - I made and sold organic snacks / wheat and yeast free breads and muffins etc for people on restricted diets.
I spent 4 months at Kripalu Center taking part in the Spiritual Lifestyle Program - where I spent my days in seva and self discovery.
I then was called through dreams and visions (I say this in the most true of senses) to Dartmouth Nova Scotia where I lived and spent most of my time at the Atlantic School of Holistic Teaching and Healing. I became certified in reflexology, body point therapy, and reiki.
I then began practicing the healing arts and teaching yoga from my attic apartment.
I eventually got my yoga certification from Kripalu.
But this is all in the past.
When we discovered Alexandra had holes in her heart - everything changed.
I was watching a Pema Chodron video the other day in the library here and she said that often when a death - or incurable illness - or something like Alexandra - happens to one - it is the catayst for a spiritual awakening. One begins to ask deeper questions of life.
This has certainly been the case with us.
And so - when David and Janet suggest that we may be using this situation to "escape" from 'real life' it simply does not compute. From her birth Alexandra has guided us and changed our life. She has affected everything - from where we have lived - to whether or not we use a drum machine in our music -
You see - we are also musicians. I am classically trained on the piano, and self taught on the acoustic guitar. However, my passion is the bass guitar.
The frequencies that come from the bass guitar are also those that have a great affect on the heart --- we discovered.
And 2 years ago when we visited the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario in Ottawa for Alexandra's first appointment after having moved from Halifax - we received the very unexpected and unsettling news that Alexandra was at high risk of developing pulmonary hypertension. The silent killer. The head cardiologist there said he would consult with his team of cardiologists and surgeons and get back to us right away as to what measures should be taken. When we received his call - the news was that they all concurred and they would begin a series of exploratory surgeries - with our consent - asap - but in all likelihood she was looking at another open heart surgery to close the residual holes (From the first surgery).
We were to contact them to schedule her for surgery - this needed to be dealt with right away.
We were very confused and upset, But, we had been through enough with her in the hospital - when she initially underwent surgeries / - to know to listen to that inner voice. The one that wasn't being freaked out by all the fear that is, sadly, so prevalent in our medical systems.
We found out that there was a doctor out of Montreal closing holes using a non invasive technique that wouldn't involve open heart surgery. We contacted him and he agreed to see us. This took some months to arrange.
In the meantime we also found Professor Milford Graves (From Jamaica, NY) and the work he was doing healing the heart using frequencies and intention. We were greatly inspired by his work.
And so - With the intention of lowering the pressure in Alexandra's left ventricle -- we recorded music - live - in the moment - nothing preconceived. Much of the music was inspired directly by images that arose in our mind's eye as we played and sang - all the while keeping the intention of the recording at the forefront of our thoughts.
8 months later - when Alexandra had her first checkup in Montreal (during which time we had not returned to a hospital) her ventricular pressure was completely normal. There were no signs of pulmonary hypertension.
Whether it had anything to do with the music we created - or there was a misdiagnosis - or Alexandra healed on her own ---- we don't know.We made enquiries and asked that the 2 sets of differing data be compared - but neither center seemed interested in persuing the matter.
Another healing event occured recently at Alexandra's last appointment in December. Ray pointed out that they had only recorded the gradient measurement for One hole in Alexandra's heart - and what was size of the other hole?. The doctor told us there only Was one hole.
US - "Are you sure? - there used to be two."
Upon closer examination it was indeed confirmed that there was now only one hole. The remaining hole had diminished in size significantly and the other hole had closed completely.
We were repeatedly told by the cardiologists she has visited that this was an unreasonable expectation.
Janet also suggested that perhaps we are "creating" Alexandra's illness - and gave the example of a woman in her community who made her children sick to get the support of the community.
I assure you - if it seems that this is the case with us - this is most definitely not our motivation.
I make the choices I do out of love.
And as this decision to hold off on having the pacemaker changed right away is not a conventional one - it - understandably - raises questions.
I don't know quite how to answer them. This is where I'll explain the simple part of why we're doing what we're doing.
It feels right in my heart.
Being here has enabled me to tune into my heart vibration at a time when I have never needed it more.
At around the time Ray wrote the last email to you - I had a morning meditation where Bhagavan spoke to me and said "I called you here". It filled me with a deep sense of peace. It came at a time when I was wondering if our stay here might be coming to an end - and hearing him say that made me realize that our being here is no coincidence.
That night during the evening meditation I was called to sit directly in front of Bhagavan's picture and look into his eyes. As I watched - his face smile and his eyes crinkle at the sides - it was like he was alive. At the time I didn't notice anything unusual - but when the time ended - about 45 minutes later - I realized I had been in an altered state. It was as if I was in a bright starry stream flowing from him through me.
Bhagavan has spoken to me in other ways. One morning I decided I would chant "who am I" and proceeded to do so. Later in the day I opened one of his books - and my eyes went right to "never use 'who am I' as a mantra". I thought - ok - just a coincidence - But when the next day I opened a different book and found the exact same advice - I ceased the practice immediately.
As I was telling Kevin the other day - when we first arrived here I was very anxious about Alexandra's condition. Now - although I have no explanation, and all signs say that I should be More concerned - I find myself more at peace.
I know it seems that the answer is simple - "Get the surgery - and get on with your lives" - to quote Janet again.
Knowing what I do of the alternative side of medicine - I cannot shake that modern conventional medicine makes things far simpler than they are. In light of my/ and ALexandra's, past experiences / misdiagnoses - and general oversights on the part of doctors (which are Many), I simply Must question the mainstream approach.
And that, combined with the perhaps more important aspect that I am following my heart - have lead us to where we are today.
Ray and I continue our research - I spent last week emailing cardiologists and doctors / authors of books on heart healing and lecturers on the subject. Some I have heard back from - some I have not. Many give suggestions of other places to contact as we continue the search for Alexandra's doctor.
Since the door to Hawaii closed we have learned a great deal more regarding the Heart Brain connection. Recent discoveries have revealed that the heart is actually a brain of it's own and stores thoughts and gives 'commands' - just as the brain does. There has been a lot recently published on the intelligence of the heart - doctors are starting to realize that it is not merely a pump, but an organ infused with an intelligence we are just beginning to understand.
This makes sense to me in light of meditation - As when I meditate my Brain slows down - and my heart is then more able to "speak" - Which is why I feel so blessed to be here in this time when my mind- under stress - is likely to run me down all kinds of fear paths.
Alexandra continues to see Prof Milford Graves - and will be seeing him before the weekend. The work he is doing with her is evolving - I hope to tell you more.
On the weekend, Ray, Alexandra and I did another yard cleanup - swept the driveway and walkways, collected sticks, raked the lawns, cleared the gardens of leaves, and the sidewalks of garbage.
Ray and Arthur have been reworking some vedic recordings from cassette onto the computer.
Pass on all of our greetings to Kung Il,
I hope I have answered your question of 'what are we up to' --
Yours in Sri Bhagavan,
Kathryn