I came to the Ashramam (Sri Ramanasramam) in the year 1946 with the intent of meditating in the presence of Sri Bhagavan. At that time there were not many houses in Ramana Nagar; there must have been only a few in existence. To the west of the Ashramam was the “Bose Compound”. There were eight houses at that housing development. The residents at that place were mainly devotees from North India. Next to that were McIver Bungalow and Dr T.N.K building.
There were a couple of houses set inside belonging to Ramachandra and Santhammal. Next to those houses were a bungalow and a little farther away from there were the houses of Kalyanaraman and Subramanian. All these houses were not lined in any regular fashion; they were scattered around. In the street opposite the Dhakshinamurthi temple, there were houses belonging to Ananthammal, Sunitha Chatterjee, Sub-Registrar Narayana Iyer. Opposite to that were the houses of Komutti Subbalakshmi Ammal and Alamelu Ammal.
On the main road was the Mourvi Guest House belonging to the Ashramam. The accommodation there was usually reserved for VIPs and hence it was called “Raja’s Building”. After Mourvi Guest House were the houses of Pollachi Gownder, Dr.Syed and Dr Anantha Narayana Rao. Opposite these were the houses of devotees Ramanatha Iyer, Rajagopala Iyer, iCohen, Telyarkhan, Lokammal and Raju Chettiar. These were all the houses in Ramana Nagar. Most of the tenants of these houses were relatives of the owners. There were very few houses with openings for tenants.
Among these houses, electricity was available at a few houses with important folks. There were no taps, or streetlights or proper pathways. During rainy season, the road leading to Sub-registrar Narayana Iyer was like a water stream. If one were to avoid that and go near the edge of the road near the fences, there were thorns and snake pits. Many a time as the water ran on the road, the (water) snakes have crossed our path. All these were to be overcome in order to reach home.
Until I got a place to live in Ramana Nagar, I lived in Tiruvannamalai town in my relative’s house. I had bath at 5am and came to the Ashramam for attending the Upanishad Parayanam. I had my breakfast and lunch in the Ashramam.
Between noon and 2:30 pm, I usually visited one of the devotee’s house and returned to the Ashramam at 3pm. After listening to the Veda Parayanam at 5pm, I went back to the town along with other town folks leaving the Ashramam. There were no facilities for women to stay in the Ashramam at night.
I was not able to come to the Ashramam from the town without an escort. The town limit extended up to the Chengam Road Government Hospital. From there to the Ashramam it was largely undeveloped areas with dense forest. There was hardly anyone on the roads. My relatives could not accompany me everyday in the morning. I spent 15 days in this manner.
My relatives and I spent a lot of time looking for a place to live for me near the Ashramam. I found a small room in Komutti Lakshmiammal’s house. The room was at the back end of the house. Opposite my room was the garbage sink for the house. Near the fence of the house were snake pits rising tall. Snakes roamed freely in these parts. I felt lucky to have got that small room to live.
After getting a place to live, I got some pots and pans from near the Arunachaleswara temple for cooking. Sri Bhagavan provided me this small room as the first place to live in Ramana Nagar. There were four walls and a thatched roof. There was ample room for cats and rats to come inside the house; there was that much space between the walls and the roof. But at that time, I felt elated on getting this house to live.
The house was partitioned to accommodate six families. There was neither water taps nor facility for electricity at the house. The house well provided clear water for those who got it first early in the morning. After that it was muddy water. The water for bath was dictated by availability in the well. Needless to say, water for washing clothes was hard to come by.
Once in a few days, a few of us went to a well farther away to wash our clothes. I could go for washing between noon and 2pm. I wanted to go the Ashramam at 3pm. I could not put my clothes for drying and go away because there were no fence usable for that purpose. Even if the clothes were partially wet I used to put them away in my room in order to go to the Ashramam.
For cooking purposes, there was no gas stove or kerosene stove. The cooking was done using charcoal or firewood. Cooking rice and Rasam and curry was a great task. I got back home around 6.15am after the morning Parayanam and went back to the Ashramam at 8am. Meanwhile I did whatever (chores) I could. Most days all I had to eat was rice, yogurt and pickle. Making sambar and curry was considered a feast.
I couldn’t leave the cooked food and head to the Ashramam. I had to place an overturned heavy barrel to cover the food so that the huge rats don’t topple and spill the cooked food. When I came to stay in Annamalai, there was tight rationing of food. There was shortage of rice, kerosene and sugar. Due to war, there was shortage of gasoline and charcoal was used for buses.
All these various difficulties flew away like feathers from my mind on coming into the presence of Sri Bhagavan in Old Hall. My heart rejoiced in Sri Bhagavan’s smile, knowing how fortunate I was. The captivity of Bhagavan’s look cannot be described in words. Only those who experience His look can feel it. The unique greatness of Ramana was in His capturing of the devotee’s heart even as He was reclining in that sofa with no attachments to anything.
Being in the presence of such greatness, the minor difficulties of everyday life did not seem to matter. That is why I could be in the Ashramam without fail at regular hours. By staying at the Ashramam I was able to listen to the nectar of His Grace through His words. When I approach the Hall and on seeing Bhagavan, even from far, I felt calmness settling inside my body. On nearing Bhagavan, I was like a body that is hollow inside. Sometimes I have felt like I was dragging my own body.
When I have such feelings, sometimes Bhagavan would be looking at me intently. That look pierced the core of my being. The force of that look was difficult to bear. Unable to even go near the sofa I used to prostrate from where I stood and take my seat. The force of His look immersed the mind in peaceful meditation. On being reminded of such state bestowed by Bhagavan, my mind was filled with joy.
When I come to Bhagavan’s Hall in the morning there were only a few people on some occasions. If it were crowded I usually would not be brave enough to want to ask questions. On the days when it was not crowded I would try to muster up enough strength to go near Him to ask questions. On those days Bhagavan would look at me very intently.
My resolve and courage would vanish instantly and the questions I wanted to ask would disappear and all I could do was to get back and take my seat in the Hall. On those days an effortless peace would envelop me. The whole day that peace would remain. This was only due to Bhagavan’s Grace. Even though my mind was hesitant in putting forth questions to Bhagavan for elucidation, it benefited from keenly listening and analyzing those golden words from Bhagavan in reply to devotee’s questions.
The gestures of Bhagavan while replying to queries would captivate the onlookers. We would forget ourselves in His smile. Bhagavan’s every word or act was an Upadesa meant to draw us to Him. He did not provide formal Upadesa to any one. But He was very eager and skilled in taking care of those who have surrendered to Him by converting them into the substance of the Upadesa, by His keen oversight.
We can write about His Greatness ad infinitum. Some events that took place when I was in Bhagavan’s presence remain imprinted and fresh in my memory. When I think of them they shine with sweetness and also transport us to those years. This book is a compilation of those events.