Letters from Sri Ramanasramam

Ch.14 – Kunjuswami's trip to Tirupati

During the period Bhagavan was living on the hill a Malayali devotee brought Kunjuswami who was then very young and told Bhagavan, “Swami, this little boy came to us saying he did not want his mother, father or his native village and stayed with us. Even in his childhood he had great vairagya (absence of worldly desires or passions). Quite a smart lad. But what is the use of his staying with us? We thought it would be good if he were to stay with a holy person like you and so have brought him here. Please allow him to stay with you.” Thus they entrusted him to Bhagavan and went away. From that tender age itself, he was very obedient and docile and so Bhagavan began calling him, “Kunju, Kunju.” Subsequently all others began calling him by the same name; and that ultimately became his permanent name. As he grew up he showed remarkable intelligence.

The number of Bhagavan’s personal attendants also gradually increased, as also the devotees when Bhagavan shifted from Skandasramam to the present place. Dandapani Swami was looking after the management of the Ashram at the time. He was in charge of the kitchen also. At that time Bhagavan was working in the kitchen like an assistant under him. If Dandapani fried the ingredients for chutney, Bhagavan ground them suitably; if rice and dhal were soaked in water overnight, Bhagavan ground them into iddli paste the next morning. That kind of work was being done by Bhagavan at the time.

Once it so happened that when Bhagavan was grinding rice and dhal for iddli his hands got blistered. Noticing it, Kunjuswami with great humility, requested Bhagavan not to grind. Bhagavan did not listen to him. He begged of Dandapani not to entrust that work to Bhagavan, but it was of no use. At the same time, Dandapani got a basketful of tamarind leaves, fried them lightly with chillies and gave the whole lot to Bhagavan for grinding into chutney. Bhagavan began grinding it in spite of the blisters on the hands. Unable to contain his anguish, Kunjuswami told Bhagavan, “Please don’t grind it. If you do, I will not eat that chutney.” Without minding his protest, Bhagavan completed the grinding and got the chutney ready. When it was served during meal time, Kunjuswami declined to eat it. Bhagavan noticed it and from then onwards whenever anyone came to see him he sent for Kunjuswami and asked him, “May I talk to this person?” Other times he used to enquire, “May I go out to answer calls of nature? May I take food?” and the like. That way he began taunting Kunju by asking for permission for everything. When his attendants asked him, ‘What is all this, Bhagavan?”, he said, “Yes. I must act according to his directions; otherwise he might even decline to take food. If he asks me to stand, I must stand; if he asks me to sit, I must sit. I must act according to his instructions in every respect. He has refused to eat the tamarind chutney just because I did not stop grinding when he protested. That is the way with these people. They come here as sadhakas and then try to boss over us. Things will be all right if we act according to their instructions.”

Hearing all that, Kunjuswami felt deeply grieved and crestfallen and in his depressed state of mind, resolved to go away on pilgrimage for some time. Accordingly, he approached Bhagavan for permission to go to Tirupati. Bhagavan did not say yes or no to his request but instead began giving him some work or other to keep him busy all the time and thereby effectively prevented him from asking permission to go. Suddenly one day Bhagavan started for giripradakshina (circumambulating the hill) and asked Kunju to accompany him. Afraid of raising any objections and hoping against hope he would get permission to leave after the giripradakshina was over, he packed his clothes and took them with him so as to go to the railway station straight, without returning to the Ashram. Observing this Bhagavan purposely began walking much slower than usual, with the result by the time they approached the town towards the end of their giripradakshina the train had already steamed out of the railway station. Looking at Kunju with a smile Bhagavan said, “Kunju, there is the train by which you wanted to go. Hurry up. Go and catch it.” When all the devotees present laughed at this, Bhagavan said, “That is not it. When he was a little boy someone — perhaps his Guru brought him to me and entrusted him to my care. Now he says he will go away from me. Where will he go? In case his Guru comes and asks me, ‘Where is my sishya?’ What reply can I give?” That was the end of the story and the idea of his going on pilgrimage was given up. It only shows how he was tied down by the grace of Bhagavan.

Subsequently, the devotees respectfully submitted to Bhagavan, “Kunjuswami is feeling extremely sad. That is why he wanted to go to Tirupati for getting some peace of mind. How can he stay on here if Bhagavan does not forgive him?” With a laugh Bhagavan said, “How queer! All that I said was in a lighter vein. After all what wrong has he done? He could not bear the sight of the blisters on my hands getting worse by my continuing to do the grinding work and so tried to dissuade me. Nothing very wrong. Tell him to give up all these foolish ideas about pilgrimage. What can I say if his Guru turns up and asks for his sishya?” After that Bhagavan’s attitude towards him became perfectly normal.

Relating to me this incident Kunjuswami said, “Amma! After this incident, I have gone to several places on pilgrimage but could not find any peace of mind until I came back to Arunachala. This is Bhagavan’s grace.” Kunjuswami is staying in the Ashram to this day.