How Bhagavan Came to Me

I was at Amritsar in 1951. I did not believe in God and had no interest whatever in religions or spiritual matters. I used to believe that religiosity in man was mere weakness, shallowness, an expression of his helplessness and hypocrisy. I did not think that one's past karma had any meaning. The very sight of a sadhu, sannyasi or a fakir was hateful to me. I was a complete atheist and took great delight in communist literature. How I got saved from this gross atheism has been the greatest mystery of my life. In fact Sri Bhagavan saved me ! It was just a dream, a wonderful dream which is still very fresh, very vivid and very clear in my mind and has completely changed my outlook and reconditioned me. I still cherish it greatly.

I got this dream during the night of December 31, 1951. I went to bed as usual thinking about the new year ahead. In the early hours of the morning I had that extraordinary dream which I now attribute to the Grace of Sri Bhagavan. It was certainly His Grace which worked and rescued me from my gross and dire ignorance though I have never visited the Ashram and have never sat before him face to face. I honestly and sincerely confirm it through my varied experiences and pray that His Grace be always with me and His devotees (I and my wife are waiting for His call to pay a visit to the Ashram).

In my dream I found myself climbing on foot a mountain. It was a zig zag tarmac road which I was traversing. I saw that the scenery all round was very pleasant and inspiring. When I reached the top of the mountain I found that this mountain was like a little wonder island surrounded by a mighty, calm, glittering ocean. Not a leaf was stirring. Suddenly there appeared ' myself' standing (my whole physical body standing at the highest point of the peak). I could see my face radiating. The sun was shining. I also saw beautiful rays of light being reflected for miles together where the waters and sky joined. It really fascinated me. I turned my face to the other side, there also I saw the same sun rising and its light reflected in that very direction. I tried another direction and witnessed the same scene. In fact the sun was shining in all directions and on all sides. I found myself extremely elevated and thrilled. Next moment I woke up and was greatly astonished at my dream. The dream was over but what it left in me is still with me.

Next morning as it was a holiday, I did not go to work. After breakfast I lay down on my bed thinking about this beautiful dream. I remember that I was not sleeping though my eyes were closed. Exactly at this time (may be 10 a.m. or 11 a.m.) I heard one rifle shot being fired. Confused I ran downstairs to find out what had happened. I enquired from three or four persons about the shot. They just laughed at me. I quietly returned to my room and lay comfortably on my bed thinking about the shot and the dream. When I closed my eyes, I saw some smoke rising in my head which made me very curious. I started observing this smoke and when it got cleared, I saw a small circle of light through which it was disappearing. In that circle I saw a radiant face of an old man, looking and smiling at me. Now I understand that it was the spiritual awakening. I was given the path, the glorious path to realisation. It was ten years after this incident that I realised that it was Sri Bhagavan Ramana giving me initiation ! He gave me a new birth, the most cherished second birth full of awakening and awareness which has changed my whole being.

It is a most unfortunate thing that nobody in India when I was living in India told me anything about the Maharshi. When I came here (Nairobi) in 1961, I happened to read Paul Brunton's Search in Secret India and came to know about the Maharshi. The influence of this book was so great that I started looking for more and more literature. When I saw Sri Bhagavan's photograph in one of Arthur Osborne's books, immediately I found the answer to my doubt, the clue to the great mysterious dream, my relationship with Sri Bhagavan, His initiation through that rifle shot, etc. I attribute everything that happened to Him. Now I always feel His living presence everywhere. His guidance is wonderful. More and more I incline towards Him.

Surely I find myself now always engulfed and surrounded by His living presence. I have no wish or desire to know about the real 'I' or false 'I' though I fully understand its significance, its meaning and His teachings. I also now understand the real meaning of knowledge, karma, devotion and real tapas. I do not claim that I have achieved something. I only wish to be a humble devotee, always busy imbibing Sri Bhagavan's manna. His living presence is all that I long for. And this according to me is the answer to everything !

The maha mantra that I picked up from the July 1971 issue of The Mountain Path is om namo bhagavate śrī ramaṇāya^[1] and I feel that I have received Sri Bhagavan's acceptance for my recitation. O, my Bhagavan ! grant me wisdom to surrender everything at Your Lotus Feet, because everything belongs only to you !

Citations

Jul 1970
Jan 1974
Oct 1974