Dennis' last day in Ashrama-NY

Arpan Gauchan

I was living at the Arunachala Ashram in New York, on and off, from June 2019 up until March 2020. I was among the few people in the Ashram with Dennis through the months leading up to his departure and the day he left the Ashram on December 2, 2019.

The previous day on Dec 1st, Dennis had attended to all the major repairs around the Ashram. That evening, he mentioned that he would be visiting his brother for a few days. It was odd to hear this sudden news, but the thought left me so quickly that i didn't question it. Next morning, the day of his departure, the very first snow of that winter fell gently and relentlessly. I believe Nature wholeheartedly conspired to muffle the footsteps of her beloved son walking away. Throughout the day he made sure the fireplace kept burning so the house was cocooned in a warm yellow glow.

For breakfast that morning, it was our usual diet of oats and New York Times. Unusual though was his unanticipated advice on spiritual life. In his deeply compassionate voice, he had three things to say:

• A lot of people give up after one to two years. Do not give up.
  Persevere and keep practicing until you reach the goal.
  All vasanas (latent tendencies) have to be gotten rid of.
• If you have the love of the Divine in you, you’ll look at everyone equally.
• You can serve Bhagavan by serving His devotees.

Later that morning, Dennis showed me a devotee's presentation on Ramana Maharshi’s written works and quizzed me on what the first written work by the Maharshi was. After much comedic guessing and a few laughs, he said it was the note he wrote announcing his departure to Arunachala. Here is the circumstance leading to that brief note and the note itself:

On August 29th 1896, while working on a grammar assignment, Venkataraman (the young boy who went on to become Sri Ramana Maharshi) suddenly realized the futility of it all, pushed the papers away and sitting cross legged entered into deep meditation. His brother Nagaswami who was observing him, remarked caustically, “What use is all this to such a one?” Recognizing the truth of his brother’s criticism, Venkataraman resolved to secretly leave home. He got up and left the house, making the excuse that he had to return to school. His brother gave him five rupees to pay his college fees, thus unknowingly providing funds for the journey. Venkataraman kept three rupees and left the remaining two rupees with the following parting note:

“I have in search of my father and in obedience to His command started from here. This is only embarking on a virtuous enterprise. Therefore none need grieve over this affair. To trace this out no money need be spent. Your college fee has not yet been paid. Rupees two are enclosed herewith. Thus__________”

Dennis read this letter and arriving at the sentence where it mentions the college fees, Dennis looked at me and said “It isn’t a lie if its for the greater good, is it?”.

At 5:30 pm on Dec 2nd 2019, with the evening Vedas resounding in the shrine, Dennis prostrated before Bhagavan, then did his namaskar to us and walked out the door. I can still see his twinkling eyes and his radiant face as he took his first stride toward solitude. I guess my motherly/daughterly instinct wanted to stop him but again that was not to be. The next morning, his letter arrived by email to the Ashram officers and friends expressing his resolve to leave the Ashram and go into solitude:

This letter in its entirety was published in the Jan/Feb 2020 issue of 'The Maharshi' newsletter.

Dennis has spoken of ‘vairagya’ in one of his last correspondences with a devotee. What an utterly graceful way to display its import with the modest act of simply walking away! Bhagavan repeatedly has taught mainly through actions and now, here is a man we knew in flesh and blood who has done the same. Incidentally, some time after Dennis left, I was reading the book ‘Vairagya Shatakam’, a small poetic work of one-hundred verses on renunciation, which I believe Dennis was reading before he left. There is a verse in there which jumped at me, “Blessed are those who live in mountain caves meditating on Brahman, the Supreme Light, while birds devoid of fear perch on their laps and drink the tear-drops of bliss (that they shed in meditation)”.^[1]

Our dear Dennis abides in the Heart ‘cave’ and all of us ought to strive to meet him there. The fire that Dennis left burning to warm us all on that cold winter morning, still glows bright. Although his footsteps are untraceable, we have been shown the path that points indelibly into our own Heart.

dhanyānāṁ girikandarēṣu vasatāṁ jyōtiḥ paraṁ dhyāyatāṁ
      ānandāśrukaṇānpibanti śakunā niḥśaṅkamaṅkēśayāḥ |
asmākaṁ tu manōrathōparacitaprāsādavāpītaṭa-
      krīḍākānanakēlikautukajuṣāmāyuḥ paraṁ kṣīyatē || 14 ||